my heart hurts. thinking about it makes me want to cry. what is the cost of love? dinner and a movie? roses and a walk on a moonlit beach? No. it is so, so much more then that. my love lives across the ocean. 13 hours by plane.. forever by boat. all those miles tear my heart apart. rip my insides to shreads. and have me cry myself to sleep.
its hard to think of love as somthing that can cause a person so much pain and agony, but for many more then just myself love is one those four letter words that you dont say. my mother hates it when i say "Fuck", but truth be told it is a much more common word in my vocabulary then the "L" word. i only say Love to a handfull of people in my life: my parents, my grandmothers, and my best friend from childhood. 5 people. they all say it back mind you, so its not exactly putting myself out on a limb to say it to anyone. i've never said it to a man, besides my dad, and he hardly counts. god knows i love the crap out of him but hes my dad, and hes good to me so its easy stuff.
my love across the sea? its Scotland. i know i will never be able to go there and life my life the way i want to. surrounded by water and mountians. beautiful, absolutely heartbreakingly beautiful. well yes now that i re-read the first paragraph i do sound a bit melodramatic but its what i do.
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